Jai’s Web 2.0 Phraseology
I always get clients and bosses and higher-ups telling me things like “We’ve gotta be more Web 2.0!”. Granted, they say this whilst spouting the greatest attributes of tabled layouts and how they just discovered this amazing new technology called Instant Messaging. But I digress.
Their point is valid - make designs and code “up to date with the latest trends”. There’s a ton of information on the webernet to find out about all of this stuff, but a search for “Web 2.0″ yields a bunch of seemingly different ideas as to what Web 2.0 is… and a whole bunch of articles, just like the one you are reading, saying that no one has it quite nailed down yet. So why are we still using that term?
Someone needs to coin some phrases to differentiate the parts of what people think Web 2.0 is so that we can be more clear about what we’re talking about… more clearer than that last sentence… more… clearer… *pours a glow stick into Homestar’s Mountain Dew*… And that someone may as well be me.
Since no one reads this anyway, no one will actually use these phrases but me, myself and I. And the three of us will have our own clairity about Web 2.0 that will make you all (who aren”t reading this) jealous. The blog title is starting to come true… Ok, so, let’s break it down.
- Web 2.0 Web Applications - These are typically Ajax ridden, super slick web apps that make people say wow with their awesome animations and superior speed. So I am going to coin these… WebberTapps. Why not? - “Sir, I think the best way to achive that goal is to build some shiny new Webbertapps! STAT!“
- Web 2.0 Graphics - These are those bubbly, shiny graphics that Steve Jobs likes because he used to watch H&R Puffin Stuff. They’re all over the web now. There are all these reflections and shimmery goodness and cutesy icons. It’s like we’re surfing the web under horrifying florescent light whist playing Candyland… Which, I assume, most of us are… Candy Mountain, Charlie!… Anyway, an example of these crazy graphics resides in the “Web 2 Point 0″ css version of this very site. You can see it by toggling the page styles in the sidebar. Anyway, these bubblicious graphics need a term… Candy Blubbles. “This old site needs a complete overhaul! We need to Candy-Blubbleize it!“
- Web 2.0 Content - Oh, you’ve seen it. It’s that snazy content that just doesn’t quite qualify as spam, but if someone talked to you in this manner in real life, you’d think the person speaking to you thinks that you are a moron. Everything (such as information pertaining to search engine optimization… which is the process of optimizing words, phrases, code, links, blogs, websites, and other internet rich media for the sake of drawing more internet traffic to a particular website, which is an online entity capable of delivering information over great distances from computer to computer… blah blah SHUT UP!) is said without using simple terms (like it, they, them, her, she, him, the firm, the client). The content is very bloated, but does get the search engine’s attention. Because Lieutenant Commander “Walking talking Mr. Google” Data can process all of that information without feeling insulted. Let’s call this content Deep Space Whine. “Ok, now we need to optimize this puppy! Pour me some Deep Space Whine, Code Monkey!“
- And my favorite… Web 2.0 Code - which is really the best part of Web 2.0. Code that is readable, understandable, semantic, and just plain short. If the predecessor to this code was called Tag Soup, I think this code should be called Distilled Codewater - Oh man, the simplicity of pure water, the beauty of good code.”Ugh, this tag soup tastes like Grandma’s foot fungus!”…
- “How would you know what Grandma’s foot fungus tastes like… have you been licking her feet again, Code Monkey?”
“I dunno, but I’d sure like to wash it out with some fresh Distilled Codewater!”
So there you have it. My completely nonsensical approach to Web 2.0 phraseology. Wicked.
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