Observations of a Closet Lunatic

Ok, so… I got a little bored and figured I do some Google searching for fun. My idea of fun is rapidly declining, apparently. Anyway, I Googled my wife’s maiden name… and only one website came up. Only one… and it was a site that I made… in like 1998. Seriously. Wow.

For those of you who believe there is no God, here is proof positive. I got a seriously high paying contract position, my very first “real” job, based on this horrifying, yet hilarious website. Most of the links still work! I might have even used a Blink tag or two! I dunno. O_o… any link with a file for download is now broken, but wow… Check out that amazing animation. HA!!! Wow… just… wow. To think I actually grew into a legitimate web professional out of that! Unbelievable.

Do people like antiques? Seriously, where is the allure in buying really old stuff to put inside your house? It’s baffling, actually.

On my way to work, down lovely Rt. 611 in PA, I pass by about 6 different antique shops. Is there really that much business in antiques to have that kind of local competition? The thing about antique shops is that they are almost all run out of what looks like a condemned nineteenth century house. There’s a rusty wheel in the corner ($115, from 1923), a picture of Super Mario’s Great Grandpa ($50, from 1912 - Frame $3 from Bed, Bath and Beyond), and some old rickety chairs that should come with warning labels (if you weigh over 100 lbs, please do not sit in the antiques. They’re old, and they’ll break. Try sitting one of these creepy little antique dolls on there instead. [$247 apiece]). What in the world am I going to do with any of this stuff? They have homes for this genre of crap. They’re called museums.

Now, granted, I don’t want to be too harsh. There is certainly a place in life for totally awesome stuff from the past. I get that entirely. But what I’m talking about here is the decision to seek out things like furniture, the original lawn gnome, black and white TVs and the like. What possesses people to want stuff that’s so old and, frankly, useless? Most of the time you can buy new and vastly improved items that serve the same purpose but do it better, and the price difference isn’t that much (if at all).

I’m probably just missing something. Any insight into what makes antiques appealing, drop me a comment. I’m interested.

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